Tears often manifest internally, not visibly, as turmoil brews, the heart feels torn apart. AGAIN! These feelings reflect an emotional landscape that often remains hidden from view. These silent cries echo through the chambers of the soul. They whisper tales of unspoken agony and pain. Only those who truly know you can begin to fathom these tales. It’s in the subtle shift of your gaze. In the quiet moments when you turn inward, the weight of your struggles becomes palpable. This reveals a depth of hurt that eludes words. This internal battle is a testament to the resilience forged through suffering. Though shrouded in silence, it reminds us all that sometimes the fiercest storms rage beneath a calm exterior.

It’s in these moments that we often find clarity amidst chaos. The world around us seems to quiet down. This quiet allows us to reflect deeply on our thoughts and feelings. The air grows thick with possibility. Each breath we take feels more significant. It urges us to embrace the present and consider the paths we might take moving forward. It is in this stillness that we harness our strength. We remind ourselves that every challenge faced is an opportunity for growth and transformation. This creates a renewed sense of purpose that propels us into the future with confidence and hope.

It’s in these moments we really have to fight. We must fight not just for our beliefs but also for our dreams and aspirations. These challenges shape us, forcing us to dig deeper and discover reservoirs of strength we never knew we had. It’s about standing tall in the face of adversity. We must rally our courage and persist with determination. Every battle we face brings us one step closer to achieving our goals.

We should press through our battles. I can’t stress enough the being “aware” constantly. It is important to embrace challenges with resilience and determination. Fight NOT Flight! In times of adversity, we must confront our fears directly. Go through the fire that refines us. We should not retreat when faced with obstacles. I once had a serious flight response. I chose to avoid my problems instead of tackling them directly. Through reflection and experience, I learned that growth often lies on the other side of discomfort. By confronting our struggles, we empower ourselves. We also inspire others to do the same. We transform our trials into opportunities for strength and personal development.

I’d just gone through and still going through an extremely emotional battle. Fear raises its head, bringing confusion against every cell in my body. It feels as if an invisible force is waging war within me. Each day brings a wave of overwhelming feelings. They crash upon me, leaving me gasping for breath amid the chaos. The actions of others have fallen upon my heart like a heavy, unyielding weight. They betrayed me. They abandoned me. They rejected me. I find myself grappling with a profound sense of loss. Disbelief overwhelms me. I struggle to reconcile my memories of trust and affection with the reality of their painful choices. Not in a good way, this turmoil has opened old wounds. It has left scars that were thought to have healed. A tempest of emotions is created, and I can hardly contain it.

I turned back to the very thing that has once again turned my life upside down. I only knew one way to deal with this much agony. I drowned my sorrows in the numbing embrace of alcohol. Alcohol, the biggest liar of everything! It promises solace but delivers only despair, whispering sweet nothings that led to me dancing with the Devil himself. Each sip felt like a betrayal to my own spirit, yet I couldn’t resist its seductive pull. It seemed to wrap me in a warm blanket. It shielded me from the harsh realities of my existence, even if just for a fleeting moment. And I’ll just say this: it’s a vicious cycle that leaves scars deeper than any drink could ever wash away.

Silent tears can only be silent for so long. I was sitting and was immersed in my usual crocheting. watching a movie one evening. The rhythmic motion of the yarn provided a comforting distraction. Suddenly, these tears started rolling down my face. They caught me off guard. My heart was flooded with emotions I had long tried to suppress. Every emotion that I was holding back came to the surface. It bubbled over like a pot that had been left on the stove too long. I’ve been in disarray since then. I’m trying to piece together the jumbled thoughts in my mind and also grappling with a profound sense of vulnerability. They don’t call alcohol, spirits for nothing! They absolutely look forward, they prey on the moments of weakness. Their only mission is to destroy our spirit within. This leaves us grappling with shadows of our former selves. We fight an internal battle that feels endlessly exhausting.

My only way out, I thought was suicide. I researched extensively about people who have committed suicide, diving into numerous articles, personal stories, and psychological studies. I wanted to understand, “Where do people actually go if you end your time outside of God’s timing?” This question haunted me, driving me to seek answers in the darkest corners of my mind. The Lord brought to my attention the troubling figure of Judas Iscariot. He was one of the twelve apostles chosen by Jesus. However, he was also the one who betrayed Him with a kiss in the Garden of Gethsemane. This moment ultimately led to Jesus’s arrest and crucifixion. This act of betrayal sealed Judas’s fate. He went to the bowels of the earth. It also forced me to ponder the nature of despair and redemption. What could drive a believer to such a drastic step? What lessons could be drawn from Judas’s tragic journey? As I reflected on these profound questions, I sought to comprehend the weight of choices. I also considered the possibility of forgiveness, which I’d done years ago already. Lastly, I contemplated the depths of hopelessness that might drive someone to consider ending their own life.

If we have lost our hope altogether, we are destined to live aimlessly. We will become like lost souls in a desolate landscape. Hope is woven into each one of us, serving as our lifeline during turbulent times. When that’s gone, we’re gone, stripped of our will to persevere and create a better tomorrow. I have seen others who had no hope. It’s a terrible sight. They drift through their days in despair as I was. They are unable to envision a path forward. Hope and faith are our driving forces. They ignite a spark within us. This encourages resilience and motivates us to rise above our circumstances. Without hope, we become mere shadows of ourselves. We get trapped in a cycle of negativity. With hope, we can conquer life’s challenges. We can also inspire those around us to find their light as well.

So I continue on. I ride this tumultuous wave, knowing it has to end somewhere. The destination remains shrouded in uncertainty. The salty spray hits my face like a tempestuous kiss. It reminds me of the power of the ocean. It also recalls the journey that unfolds beneath the vast sky. Each swell carries the weight of my thoughts. They swirl in tandem with the currents. I push forward, undeterred by the turbulent twists and turns that lie ahead. The rhythm of the sea is both daunting and exhilarating. It urges me to embrace the ride and savor every moment. Within this chaos, there is a profound sense of freedom. There is possibility waiting to be discovered.

I hold tightly to this thin string of hope, reminding myself about the story of Judas. Nothing or no one including my kids meant anything to me anymore. Their laughter feels distant. Their love is merely an echo of what it once was. Humans often betray, reject, and abandon people. They can turn their backs in an instant. They leave behind nothing but shadows of broken promise. Yet amid this chaos and heartache, one thing remains constant—the only thing, Jesus has never left me. He should have, given the weight of my failures and the depth of my despair, but He didn’t. All I can see is Him holding me…..tightly! That’s a stitch. It is a divine thread woven into the fabric of my existence. It starts re-healing these wounds that have been ripped open once again. It guides me toward a path of renewed strength and courage in a world filled with so much uncertainty.

Moments, readers. This is a moment by moment time of healing, a process that unfolds gradually and demands our patience and understanding. It is not just a few hours or a single day. It is a collection of fleeting yet significant moments. These moments collectively guide us toward recovery. Each moment holds the potential for growth and reflection, allowing us to embrace the journey ahead. By recognizing the importance of these moments, we cultivate a deeper connection to our experiences. This connection is with both our experiences and ourselves. Ultimately, this paves the way for lasting transformation. Moments!!

The Lord bless ya’ll and keep you, as he does me in these moments. May He make His face to shine upon everyone who is or has gone through this!