The Treatment That Transformed My Life

Let the war begin…..

It was February 2009, and a fierce blizzard raged outside. The cold bit at my skin as the snow swirled violently through the air. That night, my ex once again reported me for driving under the influence—something he was notorious for, despite his own reckless behavior. When the officer arrived, I wasn’t surprised. I answered the door, and he got straight to the point. “I received a report that you were drinking and driving.”

I didn’t sugarcoat anything; I knew my now ex had turned me in, yet again. “Yes,” I replied firmly. He followed up with, “I’m giving you twenty-four hours to go to treatment, or I will take you to jail.” In a moment of defiance, I shot back, “You can take me to jail because I’m NOT going to treatment!” The officer handed me his card and stated, “I’m giving you twenty-four hours, and I need you to leave this place immediately. Do you have somewhere to stay?” He expressed genuine concern for my safety amidst the chaos and danger surrounding me. I called my AA sponsor and stayed with her for the night. After a day of deep contemplation, I decided to call him back and let him know I would be going to treatment. UGH! UGH! UGH! Leaving in that blizzard was brutal; it took us a grueling six hours to get there, when it usually takes about an hour and a half. I thought numerous times about bailing out of that car. And then, finally, we arrived again!

Upon arrival, I was led straight to a detox room that had a bathroom, bed, and pillow—nothing I hadn’t seen before. The morning came, and I felt terrible; I definitely didn’t want to be in that place. I shook my head and confidently declared, “HERE WE GO AGAIN, Tori!”

As days passed, I found myself in constant battle, my frustration boiling over each time I had to pass that chapel. Then came my counselor, incessantly uttering, “God this! God that! GOD! GOD! GOD!” I reached my breaking point. With intense anger, I shot up from my chair and declared, “If you say ‘God’ one more time, I will walk out of here immediately, no matter the consequences! Do you understand me?”

Days dragged on endlessly. I hadn’t heard ‘God’ again, and my primary focus was on finishing the same old homework. Late into the night, I found myself burning the midnight oil. Suddenly, it felt as if I was lifted and placed right into that chapel. What was I supposed to do now? Confusion set in. The stillness in the room was unforgettable! Meanwhile, the loud ticking of the clock in my right ear only grew louder. Out of nowhere, a compassionate yet firm voice in my left ear declared, “This is NOT about a religion; it’s about a relationship!” I shook my head and chuckled, thinking, what do I, of all people, know about that?

I shot up from my chair and peeked out the little chapel window, but nobody was there! Exhausted, I collapsed back into the chair and found myself weeping—something I hardly ever did. My face was soaked as I kept crying, “I’m SOSOSO SORRY, GOD! PLEASE FORGIVE ME, GOD!”—over and over. I had no clue what time it was, it was late!

“HALLELUJAH! HALLELUJAH! HALLELUJAH! God revealed Himself in ALL His magnificent glory!”

Still feeling drained from last night, I made my way to the nurses’ station when three counselors walked in, halting in their tracks at the sight of me. “TORI!! What happened to you? You have such a glow about you!” they exclaimed. I paused, ready to assert myself, and replied, “I definitely don’t feel any glow, just so you know,” injecting a strong dose of sarcasm into my words as I continued on my way.

As the days went by, she made another statement that really hit a nerve. “You must forgive everyone and everything,” she insisted. I shot back, “Are you serious? You want me to excuse the words and beatings I’ve endured for most of my life?” She replied, “It doesn’t excuse them; it frees you.” I took her advice with skepticism. There was no way I was going to entertain that idea.

This profound journey of 39 years stands as a powerful testimony, a testament to the grace and blessings that God has bestowed upon me.

The Most Incredible Five Years of My Life

I spent 45 days in treatment, which was a challenging but transformative experience for me. I brought my Bible home as a source of comfort and guidance. Despite my counselor’s heartfelt advice against returning home, I made the decision to go back. Unfortunately, that choice led to lasting pain in my neck, ribs, and back. It was a difficult time, and ultimately, I made the tough decision to divorce my husband and start anew.

I moved closer to my mom and dad, which has provided me with much-needed support. I purchased a house, marking the beginning of a new chapter in my life. I found a job as a med aide at an assisted living facility, which felt like a perfect fit for me, considering my caregiving nature. Every day, I strive to make a positive difference in the lives of those I care for.

My days began early, often at 3:00 a.m., so I could make it to work by 6:00 a.m. The morning ritual would start in my kitchen with the comforting aroma of brewing coffee. After that, I’d retreat to my study room, seeking solace in my time with God. I would read Scripture, soaking in the words, even when they felt difficult to grasp. In those quiet moments, I would pray, worship, and pour out my heart, giving all glory to God. It was a time of earnest yearning for understanding and connection.

On my first day of working independently, after going through orientation, I entered a resident’s room to prepare his medication. He is blind, and as I was standing by the sink counter, he unexpectedly said, “You’re a beautiful woman!” I was momentarily taken aback, and after gathering my thoughts, I responded, “How can you know? Aren’t you blind?” He replied, “I see your soul! You’re a beautiful woman.” I was deeply moved by his words and felt a sense of awe that lingered with me throughout the day. Later that evening, I returned to my studies, reflecting on his heartfelt compliment. It was then that it clicked for me—a realization that we truly connect with one another on a soul-to-soul level.

Even on my days off, I found myself drawn to rise at 3:00 a.m., compelled to spend time on the things that truly touched my heart. During those quiet hours, I immersed myself in joy, reading, studying, meditating, and worshiping. I even purchased a Hebrew/Greek concordance, eager to explore the Scriptures on a deeper level. I’ve always felt a yearning for more than just a surface understanding; I long for depth and meaning in my spiritual journey. After six intense months of dedication, something truly remarkable occurred—God revealed to me one of the most profound truths I had ever encountered: Romans 6:16. “Do you not know that to whom you present yourselves slaves to obey, you are that one’s slaves whom you obey, whether of sin leading to death, or of obedience leading to righteousness?” This revelation filled me with awe and wonder, leaving me profoundly grateful for the insight I had gained.

In the wake of this revelation, I found myself lost in the pages of the Scriptures, each turn igniting a sense of excitement within me. Every verse, whether from the Old or New Testament, spoke to me with a clarity that I had never known before. It felt as though the words were illuminating the depths of my soul, allowing me to finally experience that “glow” others often described. There’s an indescribable beauty in forging a profound connection with faith, and I truly feel thankful to have arrived at this heartfelt realization.

Waking up one morning, I opened my eyes and immediately felt a gentle voice within me say, “You only opened your eyes because I allowed it.” In that moment, my eyes widened with realization, and I thought, “Oh no, another revelation.” It felt like God was working at an incredible pace that day.

As I got out of bed and began my usual morning routine, I heard that voice again, reminding me, “You only put one foot in front of the other because I allow it.” I paused, feeling both humbled and grateful. I responded with a heartfelt, “Yes, Lord! Yes. I recognize that my very existence is a gift from You.”

Not long after, He guided me to a Scripture that resonated deeply: Acts 17:28, “For in Him we live and move and have our being, as also some of your own poets have said, ‘For we are also His offspring.’” The experience enveloped me in a sense of wonder, as if I had stepped into a dream world—a truly phenomenal moment. It was a powerful awakening, and I couldn’t help but be in awe, feeling grateful and enlightened. WOW! WOW! WOW!

The Lord blessed me with two unforgettable dreams that shaped my journey in profound ways. In the first dream, I experienced the exhilarating sensation of flying—without wings, yet my arms carried me higher and higher. It was the most liberating feeling, and I woke up whispering to myself, “I’m set free! I’m set free!” It filled me with hope and a sense of freedom.

The second dream came toward the end of my journey. I found myself standing in my driveway, and suddenly the air felt heavy, making it hard to breathe. As I looked up, I was in awe of the stars—brilliant pastel colors lighting up the dark sky. Though I marveled at the beauty, I struggled to grasp its meaning.

Days passed, and I was still seeking understanding when I received a call from my doctor, asking me to come in urgently about some test results. My heart raced with anxiety, and I told him, “You might as well tell me over the phone; I already know what you’re going to say.” After enduring fourteen right breast biopsies, I learned that I was facing the onset of breast cancer on the left side. At that moment, I thought, “I can handle this.”

However, the overwhelming emotions connected to my identity and my mother’s hurtful words from her struggles with alcohol overwhelmed me. I held onto my sobriety for six months, but that anger and pain ultimately consumed me, leading to a crash—an emotional derailment.

In a wave of turmoil, I made significant life changes, selling my house and buying a condo. Then, unexpectedly, my mother returned, and I found empties from at least ten Baileys Irish Cream bottles on my counter. I let her voice her frustrations, but deep down, I felt lost and confused.

Seeking something different, I sold my condo and impulsively moved to California. I didn’t fully understand why I felt the need to venture so far away, but it felt like a fresh start. Unfortunately, in that moment of desperation, I lost everything that mattered to me. I endured more hardship, having been robbed and further mistreated. With the little I had left, I bought a brand new Chevy Camaro, intending to begin anew.

Yet, in a tragic turn of events, I lost that Camaro in a DWI, and it felt like the last straw. It was a deeply frustrating and disheartening experience, one that left me feeling even more lost in the aftermath.

From 2014 until September of last year, I found myself trapped in a cycle of drunkenness that felt inescapable. There were moments of sobriety—weeks and sometimes even months—but they never seemed to last. As time passed, I began to experience physical illness that I had never encountered before due to my drinking. My lab results were alarming, and on top of everything, I was genuinely unwell. I would try to detox on my own, determined never to set foot in a treatment center again. If things got really bad, I’d go to my mom’s house, hoping to have someone close by in case I needed support.

During this challenging time, I often cried out in desperation, pleading for help: “HELP ME JESUS! JESUS HELP ME! Take this damn thorn from my side!” Then, one morning in September, something miraculous happened—He took that thorn away! I was overwhelmed with gratitude. Suddenly, all the cravings and need for my daily routine of drinking vanished. This shift marked a profound turning point in my life, one that I will always cherish. Thank you, Jesus!

Until Next Time We Meet: BLESSING COMING IN AND BLESSINGS GOING OUT!